you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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