porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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