Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
