oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
