he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
