Porn is love you can see.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
