I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
now i know why i became what i already was.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
