the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
