I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's official drugs can't kill me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
