where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
