How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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