she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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