Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
