got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
