He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
