it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
