When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
