How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
