I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
