I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't put those talents on a resume
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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