She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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