I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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