I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
