He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
