hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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