upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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