uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize