I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
