This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
