You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
