Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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