i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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