Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
