dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
