is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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