and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
