a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
