She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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