Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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