Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
