you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
