what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
