no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He passed out mid-signature
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think people are normalizing furries
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
