obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
