I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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