Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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