if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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