it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
