burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
