Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize