So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
