I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
