I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
