We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He better not be in your backpack
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My ass is underappreciated
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
