Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
