It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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