They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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