why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
