Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
