I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want nice things and good sex
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
