Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
