I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
