I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
